there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
