This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
