I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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