First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
