And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize