Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
