like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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