I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The air was thick with penises
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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