Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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