She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
