we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
