In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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