if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So I just went to clothing optional bar
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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