The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Edward fifth and chaser hands
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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