Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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