Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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