Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
