No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
