the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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