Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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