I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
