I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
