I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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