to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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