I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
