Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
