Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
