I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
