it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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