Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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