I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
