i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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