I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
