Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
