i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
