boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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