If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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