Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
