This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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