Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She bit a glass in half.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
