And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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