IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
