I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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