I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
