it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
