I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
