remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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