Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize