The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
