I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
