He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
