we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
