I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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