Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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