I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
