When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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