I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
