You smell like stripper and shame
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
