doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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