you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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