When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
