It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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