my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
