whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
