It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
