Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
