Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
