what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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