He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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