I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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