I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
