im about as happy as oj after his trial
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
