I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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